What my life must entail... complete with delicious old milk to whet your imaginative appetite.

            Preface: The first spiritual exercise for my Apprentice 2 class was to write two letters, one to God (from me) and one to me (from God). They were to begin, “DearGod/Lauren, The life I want most for myself/you is…” The ironic thing is that yesterday afternoon, before I had finished my Apprentice reading and learned about the letter assignment, I had already started the following journal entry turned blog post. Since I am all for redefining boundaries (only when they are somewhat subjective) and thinking outside the box, I will finish what I have started and count it for my two letters, since the goal of each topic (what my life must entail and the life I most want for myself) is the same. They are simply different means to an end, or rather different titles for the same essay. Also, I would have a difficult time making it two different letters because when I take the time to intentionally pry at my heart, I want to honestly see it as God does and then to conform it to His desires for me. With that in mind, read your eyes out. But not really.

I have been given life for a reason. God does nothing without purpose. Though one could easily argue that we happen upon crossroads every day of our lives, I am undoubtedly quickly approaching a “Grand Central Station,” if you will. If you recall, God lead the Israelites in the wilderness by his presence in the cloud by day and pillar of fire by night. Though perhaps not quite as blatantly, God is still leading His people today. From where I stand today, I can’t see much beyond the clouds. However, I am confident that the vast sky is awaiting me. Now, before you jump to conclusions and write me off as making theologically unsound or inconsistent analogies, please hear my cheesy, wide-eyed and expectant self out.

I just finished reading the story of Joseph, providentially timed as I had the privilege of viewing Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat this weekend. Like Joseph, I have always been a big dreamer. True, God hasn’t given me any ability to decipher REM induced dreams, but those aren’t the dreams to which I am referring. In fact, it may be that most people would say they have dreams of the same magnitude, though differing to some degree. But this post is not about other people. My dreams seem so prevalent in my life because they are always accompanied with a fountain of never ceasing ideas. It seems that God most often uses my ideas and ideals to compel me onward and upward. I believe strongly that God is sovereign even over my passions and creativity, especially when I am submitting them to Him. One of the greatest desires of my heart is to do just that; submit to God in everything.

Now, back to Grand Central Station. I will graduate from 18 years of formal education in less than four months. After that, the sky. (I sure hope you’re mind is abstract enough for you to follow my mixed analogies.) My father used to take my sister and me to McDonalds and say, “The sky’s the limit.” Wow. Big sky. But God’s sky really is big though. Infinite, in fact. Hopefully my visuals are helping you understand the potential depth of my impending dilemma.

I have already wasted too much of my life to spend these next four months unintentionally dawdling under the clouds. Yea, this analogy about the Israelites does not properly coincide with my life and how it may seem I am have been relating it. In how I am trying to apply the story to my current circumstances, it would seem the Israelites must have been constantly pestering God about when and where they were going to move next, obviously showing a lack of trust on their part. While they may have done this at times, I would like to argue that during those times when they were living righteously by faith, they must have at least harbored a sense of expectancy, accompanied with ready hearts, not lax, but constantly equipping and training themselves for future adventures. This is precisely how I am aiming to use my “now.” Certainly not to place demands on God, but to search His heart to the best of my ability.

God uses our past to inform our present and help inspire our future. With that in mind, I believe it is time to do a little inventory. I would like to begin this inventory by creating a list of my passions:

·      To inspire and bless people through the enjoyment of all fine arts: music, visual, performing. And ultimately, to use the fine arts to point others to God, the Creator of all good things and the essence of Beauty.

·      To learn how to make, understand and teach art.

·      To allow God to use my personal story to minister to and challenge fellow believers, whenever and wherever He so chooses.

·      To boldly proclaim and live the gospel in every endeavor, through my words and deeds, helping others to find and increase their joy in God.

·      To bless others by making things for them (food, apparel, crafts, art, etc.)

·      To further the Kingdom of God. This looks different for different people. Specifically, God has convicted me of the church’s need to reassess and practice Biblical principles for community, stewardship, and proper gender roles.

·      To discover more about the world God has created. Vehicles that spark my particular interest include: travel/cross cultural experiences, gardening, interaction with animals including children, history, literature, theology, philosophy and people

·      To continue living these days with God.

In short, my life’s mission is to use my specific God-given gifts and passions to build the Kingdom of God, from within and without, ever increasing in my knowledge of and love for Jesus Christ as revealed in the Holy Scriptures, by His grace alone and for His glory alone. Now all I have to do is conquer astronomy, or rather, look up.

 

I sure do love me some cheese. Hope you're not lactose-intolerance. :)

Epilogue: I think I might still write the 2 letters. It would be good for me to simply listen to God for a bit. Maybe I'll let you know how it goes. 

Maybe I won't. 

Paris Response Numero Uno

I'm going to Paris. Dr. Mary Shepard is preparing me. Here is the first fruit of that preparation. Bon appetit:

True patriotism seems to be somewhat waning in this day of ever increasing global awareness. Though my knowledge of world cultures and more specifically, of foreign opinions on their respective homelands is minimal, I am most certainly of the opinion that nationalism in most countries is far from what it was a mere century ago. This is apparent in the United States, where it seems apathy towards politics is the new black. True, a vast number of Americans are fanatic as ever, hopeful for the future of the country. However, this spirited support has not kept a great chasm from settling in our midst. The Donkeys and Elephants are quite possibly the farthest they have ever been from sleeping peacefully in the same stall than any other time in our brief American history. At such a time as this, one must ask, “What really is patriotism and what should it look like?”

            Patriotism is harder to preserve when division is reigning. Patriotism is also hard to preserve when history is forgotten or simply ignored. Patriotism cannot coincide with ungrateful citizens. Verily, patriotism suffers when a nation’s founding principles are diluted or compromised. Sure, change is necessary and at times beneficial. However, total departure from the building stones of the past causes weakness in a structure, ultimately leading to disaster.

            I believe Americans could learn a lot from the French, certainly in regards to patriotism. Though my studies of their culture have only just begun, the vastness and depth of their persevering love for their country was made obvious to me in their fighting what might seem a minor battle: keeping the teaching of the French national anthem, La Marseillaise, in the curriculum for school children. Though some might label the bloody war song as inappropriate to teach to young children who desperately need to learn the importance of peace, I believe an even greater potential problem is at hand—forgetting the past.

            History ought not ever be shied away from. A people’s history is what defines them. A people’s history is what informs them of how they should live today and how they might proceed towards improving the future. Without remembering how and why a people did what they did, how can they make a better decision when presented with similar circumstances in the future?

            Teaching the, at times, gory La Marseillaise to youngsters has potential to accomplish so much more than opening their eyes to the terrors of war. Let them grasp the depth of their ancestors’ love for them personally. Let them witness the beauty of sacrifice. Let them feel the sadness of death and unwonted pain. Let them see that passion and severe loyalty are a double-edged sword that can lead either to brutality and bloodshed or to a future full of promise. However, with all of this, instill in them hope that a better solution for all of the troubles of life may have yet to be found. Ultimately, let them see that the potential for tomorrow is theirs for the fulfilling.

I would love to hear your comments or thoughts. :)

 

a review, idea, and irony

There is nothing like starting your day with a sunrise, fresh grapefruit, a hot cup of joe and time spent with good ole Dietrich B. Yesterday was one such day. Words for my second day of 2009 (in chronological order): why?!. acceptance. lovely. awe. joy. productive. disturbing. fascinating. tired. nap. experimental. delicious. fun. booger cookies. crunchy. sleep.

Today I allotted for time to make up for the sunrise viewing of yesterday--a good choice, I must admit. Although, after yesterday, I undoubtedly prefer living (consciously) in the morning time than in the dark of night. Perhaps I should add "early bedtime and early rising" to my resolution list that I'm not making this year. . .  

As I alluded to above, the newest addition to my daily quiet times is a devo of compiled works by Bonhoeffer, I Want to Live These Days with You. So far it has been nothing but a fresh voice of insight that has led to much needed conviction, encouragement and thought-provoking ideas. As several quotes have already cried out to be shared with others, I have decided to take this month to learn (with you) more about the man, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, and primarily, to focus on some of his great contributions to the Kingdom. After January, perhaps we shall study a different historical figure together. 

That will have to be all for today.  I had intended to write more, but I got distracted with other tasks and it is now time to sleep. Cheeri0.

title track

The following is taken from the aforementioned email to my New Testament professor. I'm posting it because it is a good summary of what God has been teaching me over the past few months and it was the water-breaker for this blog's birth. To answer your questions, I have come to a (re-) realization that God is most at work and glorified during the trials of my life. Last semester held many "down" days for me. Though I cannot say I was always looking for God's hand in all of my struggles, I know without a doubt that He used them to soften and turn my heart towards Him, even if it was a delayed reaction. It seems the only time I don't have confidence to hear God's voice is when I'm not listening for it. I trust that He will speak and is speaking to me, it is merely my inconsistency in seeking Him and busyness that shuts out His voice from time to time. This is hardly a fact to despair over, however, because I know that God is pursuing me, and no matter what, He will not let me out of His grasp or will. Like everything else relating to my character or personal well-being, my contentment ebbs and flows. As of late, I have been very blessed with a patient, yet excited heart. My greatest struggle with contentment comes from my desire to be a wife and mother. Though my excitement for this future time in my life has not ceased or even diminished, God has rejuvenated my heart for ministry and using my gifts for His glory, not next year, but right now. It is not my time to sit around and wait for the rest of my life to happen. My life is now. It is already happening. I want to make use of every moment God has given me in this world. Including today. Regarding my management skills, I think it is time for me to come to terms with the fact that I will never live a completely balanced and controlled life. Some days I will responsibly fulfill my duties. Other days I will be distracted. I don't want to sound as if I have surrendered in this battle to manage my life to the glory of God. I am still trying and hopeful that I will continue to grow in these areas. I am however, repeatedly learning to surrender my expectations for my own perfection. My perfection is found only in the righteousness of Christ and the more I remember this, the more my actions will reflect my gratitude and praise for the work He has done. Some days this will look like joyful responsibility, other days it will look like humble brokenness which ultimately takes me back to the cross. At core, the story is the same with my struggle to love those closest to me. Sin causes separation. Love goes towards. I can't let pride, envy or selfishness rule in me or my home. I can't let laziness keep me from reconciling or dying to myself. Community is a gift from God and a necessity to survive the Christian life. I want to take none of God's precious gifts for granted. I suppose I could have answered your questions with a short, "God is still working on me." That is really all that matters. My desire is still for Him to be greatest in my life and the world, whether I live that out every moment or not. He is still God and He is still Immanuel. That is alone reason enough to never cease rejoicing.

why

I had intended to wait until New Year's Day to start this blog, but as my purpose for the blog became more obvious, I realized today must be the day for the inception of my present project. A few moments ago, I was writing a response to an email my New Testament professor sent me a couple weeks back. His email was a follow up--his pastoral tendencies had compelled him to see how God had answered the prayer requests I had shared with him throughout the course of the semester. 

As I paused a moment for much needed introspection, one of the greatest tragedies of my life came to mind. Too much of my life is wasted waiting for tomorrow and hoping that with it will come excitement, something to keep me keeping on. Today is all we are sure of, in a transient sense. This truth may seem elementary, yet I fear it is far too often forgotten in today's society. Speaking of what I know, wasting today and living for the future is undoubtedly prevalent in single Daughters of the King hoping for the fulfillment of their hearts' greatest desire.

Before I sidetrack completely and turn my attention to expanding upon the shared troubles of many young women in the church (though I guarantee many future posts will be aimed at analyzing problems that plague this particular "people group"), I would like to tie this observation back to my original point. (It is only my first post and I've already revealed my tendency to frolic about on rabbit trails. Good thing I am blogging without expectation.) Namely, this blog is for today. This blog is a reminder to live today, without wasting another moment in the process.

To do this well does not mean I ignore all things but today, tossing my past lessons learned to the wind and only following my strongest inclination at the moment. Instead, it requires answering three important questions, frequently asked by one of the greatest educators I know: Who are you? Where are you? What are you doing? In essence, these questions clarify purpose. Without purpose, people are lost. Lack of purpose breeds unbelief and passivity, two of the vices with which Satan most often tries to bring me down. This blog is an attempt to tangibly fight against Satan's ploys by taking time for introspection and actively allowing the Holy Spirit to convict me of secret sins I harbor deep within. This blog is an attempt to seek first the Kingdom of God by taking time out to look for how He is fighting to reign in my life and this world. This blog is an attempt to bless others by allowing them to take part in my story, if only by means of reading my inner struggles and hoping with me for the fulfillment of my dreams. All of these attempts are sheltered and nourished within the aim of outwardly manifesting God's glory for the satisfaction of a hungry world and a deserving God.