Preface: The first spiritual exercise for my Apprentice 2 class was to write two letters, one to God (from me) and one to me (from God). They were to begin, “DearGod/Lauren, The life I want most for myself/you is…” The ironic thing is that yesterday afternoon, before I had finished my Apprentice reading and learned about the letter assignment, I had already started the following journal entry turned blog post. Since I am all for redefining boundaries (only when they are somewhat subjective) and thinking outside the box, I will finish what I have started and count it for my two letters, since the goal of each topic (what my life must entail and the life I most want for myself) is the same. They are simply different means to an end, or rather different titles for the same essay. Also, I would have a difficult time making it two different letters because when I take the time to intentionally pry at my heart, I want to honestly see it as God does and then to conform it to His desires for me. With that in mind, read your eyes out. But not really.
I have been given life for a reason. God does nothing without purpose. Though one could easily argue that we happen upon crossroads every day of our lives, I am undoubtedly quickly approaching a “Grand Central Station,” if you will. If you recall, God lead the Israelites in the wilderness by his presence in the cloud by day and pillar of fire by night. Though perhaps not quite as blatantly, God is still leading His people today. From where I stand today, I can’t see much beyond the clouds. However, I am confident that the vast sky is awaiting me. Now, before you jump to conclusions and write me off as making theologically unsound or inconsistent analogies, please hear my cheesy, wide-eyed and expectant self out.
I just finished reading the story of Joseph, providentially timed as I had the privilege of viewing Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat this weekend. Like Joseph, I have always been a big dreamer. True, God hasn’t given me any ability to decipher REM induced dreams, but those aren’t the dreams to which I am referring. In fact, it may be that most people would say they have dreams of the same magnitude, though differing to some degree. But this post is not about other people. My dreams seem so prevalent in my life because they are always accompanied with a fountain of never ceasing ideas. It seems that God most often uses my ideas and ideals to compel me onward and upward. I believe strongly that God is sovereign even over my passions and creativity, especially when I am submitting them to Him. One of the greatest desires of my heart is to do just that; submit to God in everything.
Now, back to Grand Central Station. I will graduate from 18 years of formal education in less than four months. After that, the sky. (I sure hope you’re mind is abstract enough for you to follow my mixed analogies.) My father used to take my sister and me to McDonalds and say, “The sky’s the limit.” Wow. Big sky. But God’s sky really is big though. Infinite, in fact. Hopefully my visuals are helping you understand the potential depth of my impending dilemma.
I have already wasted too much of my life to spend these next four months unintentionally dawdling under the clouds. Yea, this analogy about the Israelites does not properly coincide with my life and how it may seem I am have been relating it. In how I am trying to apply the story to my current circumstances, it would seem the Israelites must have been constantly pestering God about when and where they were going to move next, obviously showing a lack of trust on their part. While they may have done this at times, I would like to argue that during those times when they were living righteously by faith, they must have at least harbored a sense of expectancy, accompanied with ready hearts, not lax, but constantly equipping and training themselves for future adventures. This is precisely how I am aiming to use my “now.” Certainly not to place demands on God, but to search His heart to the best of my ability.
God uses our past to inform our present and help inspire our future. With that in mind, I believe it is time to do a little inventory. I would like to begin this inventory by creating a list of my passions:
· To inspire and bless people through the enjoyment of all fine arts: music, visual, performing. And ultimately, to use the fine arts to point others to God, the Creator of all good things and the essence of Beauty.
· To learn how to make, understand and teach art.
· To allow God to use my personal story to minister to and challenge fellow believers, whenever and wherever He so chooses.
· To boldly proclaim and live the gospel in every endeavor, through my words and deeds, helping others to find and increase their joy in God.
· To bless others by making things for them (food, apparel, crafts, art, etc.)
· To further the Kingdom of God. This looks different for different people. Specifically, God has convicted me of the church’s need to reassess and practice Biblical principles for community, stewardship, and proper gender roles.
· To discover more about the world God has created. Vehicles that spark my particular interest include: travel/cross cultural experiences, gardening, interaction with animals including children, history, literature, theology, philosophy and people
· To continue living these days with God.
In short, my life’s mission is to use my specific God-given gifts and passions to build the Kingdom of God, from within and without, ever increasing in my knowledge of and love for Jesus Christ as revealed in the Holy Scriptures, by His grace alone and for His glory alone. Now all I have to do is conquer astronomy, or rather, look up.
